Nostalgia? I suppose, if you're romantic like that.

Let's clear something up.

When I say romantic I mean like medieval , or the Merriam Webster version -4 a: marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized.

Last night my room mate said something about me in a very off handed way. I mean to say that she wasn't being malicious by saying it, that there was no feeling behind it really, because she was saying it about me in reference to herself. Which made it hurt that much more - it was just a commonplace thought for her. I suppose I knew it, just never simplified into such a ... well, here.

She's going through this break up. She and I have entirely different approaches to relationships, and I've been trying to be supportive, but  I suppose I'm not really that good at it.
Anyway, in response to something I said, she says, "No, it's like I'm dating you, which is shitty. Because no one gets out alive."

Bam. Just like that, I am almost in tears. It's true. I mean, when it comes to relationships I'm pretty f***ing heartless. I don't really try to be, I just don't want anyone hanging their happiness on me.  I've been trying to approach that about myself, trying to find out if I really even want to change it.

I took it much too hard, because I did cry about it, when she wasn't around. I'm not angry about it, I'm just sad that it's true. It's like the occasional dark hairs I get on my neck (yeah, you get to read that about me). I can't really be mad that they're there, it's part of who I am. I can pluck them (and I do, I don't want to intimidate anybody) but they come back, and they probably always will. It sucks, but I have to live with it.

So in the midst of my tears I just really wanted to be up in the mountains somewhere, camping or in a cabin, looking out a window at the brisk night. I would be laying on my side in my sleeping bag or under a blanket, and maybe it would snow.
Which is awful. I hate snow. Let me say that again to reiterate. I HATE snow.
I'm not sure I've ever been in that situation, but I could see it clearly. In a bout of (possibly unwarranted) emotion, I was nostalgic for something that had never happened, and comforted by it.

Yep, that last paragraph was probably all I had to write to relate this post to the title. Really though, what would be the point in having a too-personal blog if I didn't alienate the audience?